my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
