First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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