So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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