We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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