You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
