we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
