Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
