A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
