I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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