all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize