i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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