Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
