i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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