If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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