Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
