have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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