I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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