And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
