i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize