why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
