Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
