dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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