I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
