just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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