that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
