And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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