Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
