y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize