so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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