I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
