I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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