Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize