Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
