Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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