maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There r osticjed everywhere
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
