At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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