Well apparently he's into motor boating.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
