I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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