Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
