lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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