I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
