When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
