We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize