I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
