how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
