It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
A+ Viking dick
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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