God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
