But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
