I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
