Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
