Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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