Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
