so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
