NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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