What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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