Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You need Xanax blowdarts
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
