Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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