A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We don't watch enough power rangers
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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