I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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