At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
