now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
