Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
