After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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