so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize