you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
