If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
