I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
